BIG OPENINGS: RETROSPECTIVE OF FIRST HALF OF 2009
By: Myles Hughes
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How has 2009 been so far? The Big Openings Begin....
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Hello there movie lovers, and welcome to the new series of Big Openings. Before start getting into my old habits of reciting the new
film releases for your convenience on Friday (assuming that article goes up on Friday, which given my record is a 50/50 shot), I’d like
to take a moment to offer a quick look at the notable releases I’ve missed out on while I’ve been absent. Have a look-see.
JANUARY
The beginning of the year and the end of the summer have one thing in common as far as movies go: this is the time when studios
dump all the movies that they know are junk, despite having approved pouring millions of dollars into their creation anyways. A little
quality control on the part of studio heads might prevent the need of a so-called “dumping ground” of cinema, but I digress. January
was predictable in that the only films to see were Oscar bait you didn’t get around to and the foreign films that indie chains hope will
get mixed in with the hype and create some business. In terms of actual, new movies to look at, the pickings were predictably slim.
You could chose between watching recent Oscar-nominee Anne Hathaway start slumming before the ceremony had even started in
Bride Wars, a prequel to Underworld that seemed to forget what its predecessor’s main selling point was (Kate Beckinsale in tight
leather), and no less than two Japanese-themed horror films that had titles starting with The Un- (The Unborn and The Uninvited,
respectively). There were a few bright notes to be found however: a biopic of Notorious B.I.G. was pretty good, and the Liam Neeson
thriller Taken opened to decent reviews and a surprisingly strong box office, evidencing that there has apparently been a demographic
all these years for Oskar Schindler beating the snot out of terrorists. On the other hand, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, which you may remember
as the film you paid 10 bucks to see even though you already knew it wasn’t going to be that great, made off with the box office. There
is still hope, however: indie-drama Gran Torino made more money in its eight week of release than the new Renee Zellweger
romantic comedy in its first weekend. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a sign of progress.
FEBRUARY
This month got off to a fantastically awful start with the release of the sequel to Steve Martin’s interpretation of The Pink Panther.
Apparently the mediocre quality of the original remake was lost on all involved, but I suppose if Joel Schumacher can follow up the
second two Batman movies by being allowed to work at all, then anything’s possible. On the plus side, we got the lovely and inventive
stop-motion feature Coraline, and I’m told that He’s Just Not That Into You, the rom-com starring every good looking romantic comedy
actor that’s popular right now and a few who aren’t, was decent as well. Valentine’s Day weekend boasted multiple options: two
depressing films about the state of the economy (The International and Confessions of a Shopoholic, both depressing for separate
reasons), the well-made and beautifully acted drama Two Lovers (apparently Joaquin Phoenix’s last movie so he can focus on the
most depressing music career since Steven Segal), and a sequel/remake/reimagining/who gives a hoot of Friday the 13th. The latter
predictably won the weekend and likely saved many a relationship, as couples on the brink could just go and find catharsis in
watching obnoxious guys and whiny girls getting sliced up on screen instead of having to do it to their partner. We also got a new Tyler
Perry movie (a series whose box office rises inversely to the quality of its films), a heavy-handed immigration drama with Harrison
Ford, and a conspiracy thriller about a killer cell phone. I really wish I were making that last one up.
MARCH
As you might remember, the superhero adaptation Watchmen was finally released in the first week of March. I say, “might remember”,
because unlike most comic book films of its ilk this one was largely considered financially unsuccessful. If you’re one of the many who
didn’t see it, then you were probably united in your confusion from listening to other people’s opinions and ultimately having no idea
about whether the film was any good or not. Simply put, it’s not the novel, even though it’s trying to be. But it is fun, and if you can stick
with it without suffocating in the self-importance, labyrinth plot threads, and the unrealistic size of Billy Crudup’s junk, it’s perfectly
entertaining. Except now you’ll have to wait for DVD release, since it’s probably out of most theatres by now because you didn’t go see
it. But enough about Watchmen, what else came out this month? Well, we got to see Nicolas Cage show off his range by playing a
concerned man with atrocious hair who uncovers a conspiracy and is the only one who can stop it in Knowing, a film that was as
financially successful as my previous statement was drenched in sarcasm. There was also the remake Race to Witch Mountain,
which I heard good things about, the Paul Rudd-Jason Segal bromance I Love You, Man, which was widely appreciated and
successfully initiated the word “bromance” as a legitimate genre, and Duplicity, a clever little spy comedy with Julia Roberts and Clive
Owen that was actually very good, but it made people think so it made little money. Also Monsters vs. Aliens came out, and if that’s
interesting to you then you’ve either already seen it, you’re out of the country, or you’re completely bankrupt.
FIRST HALF OF APRIL
This month opened on an extremely positive note with Adventureland, a surprisingly touching comedic gem that predictably flopped at
the box office, clearly unable to withstand the awesome might that is Fast & Furious. I wasn’t aware that the stars of the original film
still had such draw for audiences, considering that they haven’t had a decent movie between them in the 8 years since the last one
(give or take Find Me Guilty). Last week Hannah Montana invaded theatres yet again, the results of which being exactly as predictable
as you might expect, and we also got to see Seth Rogen in Observe and Report, continuing Hollywood’s proud tradition of releasing
two similarly themed movies within months of each other (see Capote and Infamous, The Illusionist and The Prestige, Antz and A Bug’
s Life, Deep Impact and Armageddon, etc and so forth). This film is tonally as far removed from Paul Blart as Taxi Driver is from Queen
Latifah’s Taxi (I bet you’ve never heard that comparison before), and scored decently with most critics if underwhelmingly with
audiences, who were likely suffering from mall security guard fatigue (to be fair, it is a deafeningly unfunny profession to begin with).
Also that Dragonball movie came out, but I won’t pay much attention to it. Audiences certainly didn’t.
COMING SOON
On the first new week of Big Openings, we’ll be looking at political thriller State of Play, Zac Efron comedy 17 Again, and the
implausible sequel Crank: High Voltage.
Also I’ll be premiering a new feature, listing the top three films I’m looking forward to as of this writing, and why. If you’re wondering
why you should care, you don’t have to read it.
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