The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence) (*)

Wow…just, wow.  There’s really not a whole lot more you can say about ‘The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)’ that matters, as it doesn’t really merit any of the attention that it’s gotten.  This is a pointless exercise in a director trying to even the score with the media that claimed his first film was over the line.  Writer/director Tom Six was so upset that people assumed that ‘The Human Centipede’ was the most disgusting film ever made upon its release (it’s actually somewhat restrained and a bore) that he decided that this time out he’d give them what they thought they were getting the first time.  This might be one of the 10 most perverse and graphic films ever made…but it just doesn’t have a reason to exist besides feeding the ego of Six.  It’s just a carnival freak show that dares you to sit through the whole thing.  Sadly, the only feeling you’re likely to have after making it all the way through is a sinking feeling that those 90 minutes are never coming back.  That, and you might just wonder “why”?  Honestly, I don’t have an answer.  Consider this review a public service.  I saw it so you don’t ever have to.  It’s not as bad as ‘A Serbian Film’ (mainly do to this violence having less to do with sex than that atrocity), but it’s a close call.

The “plot” of this sequel is that it’s more of a meta commentary on the impact of the first film.  Here, we have Martin (Laurence R. Harvey), an obese parking lot attendant who’s an obsessive fan of the first Human Centipede movie.  You see, this film posits that its predecessor was “just a movie” and this one takes place in the “real world”.  Martin loves the film so much he not only masturbates to it (using sandpaper, no less), he envisions copying it…and even expanding on it.  Martin uses the parking lot he works at as a hunting ground, eventually capturing a dozen victims to make his new and improved centipede.  At home, his mother (Vivien Bridson) blames him for the sexual abuse his father inflicted on him and tries to kill him.  She also has a doctor (Bill Hutchins) come visit him to give him his medication and plan to rape him.  You see how tasteful this thing is.  Besides just grabbing randoms, Martin also has tricked one of the stars of the film ‘The Human Centipede’ (Ashlynn Yennie, playing herself) to be the “star” of his centipede.  The first half of the movie has Martin getting abused and collecting the victims.  The second half has him performing the surgery, just this time instead of a doctor doing 3 people in a sterile manner, this has a bizarre fat guy using rusty tools in a dingy warehouse to turn a dozen people into his creation.  Yes, you see everything (and I do mean everything).  As if all of this wasn’t bad enough, the film doesn’t even end, it just stops.  Sigh…

Just to put it all there out on front street in terms of the controversial content, this film is brutally violent and incredibly graphic.  You see more than you will ever want to, and the decision by Six to shoot it in black and white (except for a certain brown substance, that is…) does nothing to dilute it.  You see teeth knocked out, heads caved in, mouths torn open, anuses stretched, feces going everywhere, a centipede inserted anally, and a newborn baby crushed by a gas pedal in a car…and that’s just a sample.  It’s absolute trash, but I know for many people the appeal/fascination with ‘The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)’ is just in seeing what kind of grotesque stuff is in it.  Well, there you have it.  No other reason to go see it and waste your time.  I’ll press on with the rest of the review now, but I figured that was a public service just now for those curious about how deep the rabbit hole might be.

I don’t know that I’ve seen worse acting this year than here.  Everyone is an absolute amateur, and the main character is portrayed by such an odd actor that I don’t know what to make of him.  Maybe he’s some kind of performance art genius, but I’m not convinced of that.  I think Harvey is just as bad as everyone else.  With the exception of the silent Harvey, they scream and yell and curse but never seem like anything else but poorly paid actors and actresses who wished that they were somewhere else.  Harvey just makes noises and does his gory thing.  It’s safe to say that this isn’t exactly a high class piece.  As a side note, how bad must Yennie’s career must be going that she’s now been in 2 of these?  It makes you think, that’s for sure.  She speaks of the last one being fascinating to her because it was “100% medically accurate”.  Well, this one brags about being “100% medically inaccurate”.  What more do you need to know than that?

Tom Six certainly has a vision as a filmmaker, but he also has one hell of an ego.  What he does lack, however, is much in the way of talent.  He can’t come up with anything except senseless violence and random disturbing images.  He also has no ability to direct his actors.  Six just can’t make you look at the events in the flick as anything more than grossly funny.  He mishandles his material in a huge way.  I suppose he might deserve some credit for going through with this thing, as it’s incredibly out there, but I won’t be the one to give it to him.  I just saw it as a sick exercise in proving a point no one cared about in the first place.  I didn’t hate the first movie, but I hate this one with a passion.  Part of it is just the pompous nature of the film itself.  Six has made a film that takes the position that his first movie was so important and inspirational that it would compel a fan to do this sort of thing.  Besides that, it’s just a full length middle finger to those who misrepresented his last work.  That’s not a good reason to make a movie, at least not in my book.

‘The Human Centipede II (Full Sequence)’ is easily one of the 5 worst atrocities of the film world this year.  It’s not the absolute worst of the year, but it’s not real far off.  I can’t stress enough how useless this movie is.  It’s not quite the borderline “torture porn” that this year’s ‘A Serbian Film’ was (or that a few years ago’s ‘The Collector’ nearly was), but it exists just to be a freak show, as I mentioned earlier.  I rarely do this, but I’d like to mention my girlfriend for a moment.  She saw this with me (brave soul that she is), and she basically summed it up by saying that it was less of a movie and more of a bizarre experience.  I think she’d completely right, and I want to save you all the experience.  It’s awful.  That’s all there is to it…just a director, his ego, and a whole lot of shit, both literally and figuratively.

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