The “Girls” finale tonight topped season four with babies, breakups and makeups.
Hannah, still substituting, has a panic attack during class. Fran follows Hannah outside to check on her. A visibly shaken Hannah tells Fran she’s been dealing with a lot of family issues – it was just two episodes ago that Hannah’s dad, Tad, came out as gay to his family and friends, shocking everyone, except an excited Elijah (“I told you!”), who was only too quick to take him out shopping and acclimate him to the world of Facebook and social flirting. Fran offers a comforting hand on her shoulder and even more comforting words, as if the bitter sting of how their first date, and awkward run-ins thereafter, went down was all forgotten. Just last episode, it seemed everyone was declaring Hannah a child who needed to grow up: her dad, Fran, Principal Toby, etc. However, in this episode, we see Hannah, although still very much the same quirky gal with an often hilarious juvenile mindset, make decisions that makes one think she took all her critics’ concerns into consideration.
Shoshanna is offered a position that combines all of her favorite things: marketing, social media and talking to people. However, the job requires that she relocate to Japan. She asks her bubbly interviewer (Aidy Bryant) to give her some time to consider whether she’s willing to make the move.
As this episode’s title would have you believe, there is indeed a home birth. Adam’s pregnant sister Caroline (like, literally about to burst, pregnant!) and her husband Laird (well, not technically “husband,” their rings are only symbolic) stupidly decide to go with a home birth because “f*** the legal system.” Hannah walks in to a very naked Caroline emitting “shouts of maternal celebration.” Hannah isn’t happy with the situation. She tries sweetly to convince the couple to go to a hospital, but the hippie couple isn’t willing to compromise with their original birth plan.
Meanwhile, Marnie and Desi meet with a record label exec (Spike Jonze), who congratulates the duo on their engagement. All seem happy, except a visibly teed off Ray, sulking in the back of the coffee shop (I guess his city chairperson gig doesn’t pay enough to quit his day job) where the meeting takes place. After the meeting, Desi goes to pay for their drinks and bluntly confronts Ray, asking “are we solid?” Ray tells him, in a really awesome way, that they are not, in fact, solid. “I f***ing hate you,” he tells a consternated Desi. He begins to deconstruct him, pointing out all his flaws, insecurities and why he carries such a heavy disdain for him, from his “insufferable” music, to his douchey-ness to the eyeliner he has on and, most importantly, his treatment and underestimation of Marney.
Shoshanna and the soup mogul she’s been dating, Scott, go out. She decides to tell him about her job offer, telling him right away that she would be moving to Japan if she takes it. Instead of offering support, saying it’s her decision, Scott, surprisingly, tells Shosh not to take it because, although he’s not in love with her yet, he plans on being soon. Afterward, Shosh goes to the coffee shop to seek Ray’s advice. Ray, busy moonlighting at his new city council job, isn’t there. However, the shop’s owner is and he gives Shosh a polished girl-power speech that makes her realize what she wants to do.
Back at the apartment, an out of breath and angry Adam arrives. He is livid to find his sister preparing to give birth in her tub. Jessa also arrives and, by this point, Caroline is in a lot of pain and realizes something is wrong. A frantic Adam wants to call an ambulance, but Laird tells him that’s out of the question. Jessa, curious about what’s going on, decides to take a subaqueous peak at the situation downstairs. She emerges, telling everyone she see’s a leg. Adam passes out and Laird breaks down. They decide to carry a profusely profane Caroline out of the apartment in a robe and walk to the hospital, amidst a throng of shocked by-standers.
Marney, meanwhile, is dealing with her own personal issues. Slated to perform that night at a club, Desi is a no show. The label exec is incensed – although seeing the normally soft-spoken and mild-mannered Jonze’s version of incensed is more like a form of amusing calmly upset. Ray, however, does show up and encourages Marney to do the show anyway. She does. Her song and her performance are okay, but it says a lot about Marney that she had the gumption to do the show without Desi, who is clearly not showing up because of the tongue-lashing he got from Ray earlier.
Caroline ends up having a girl that she and her symbolic husband name: Jessa-Hannah Bluebell Poem Schlesinger-Sackler (*exhale*).
After spending time with the baby, Jessa goes back home, where she announces to Shosh that she has, out of nowhere, decided to be a therapist. Shosh also has news of her own to share and tells Jessa she has decided to go to Japan, despite Scott’s offer of a position at his soup company (budussy soup? no thanks!)
Back at the hospital, Adam and Hannah have time alone as they admire Jessa-Hannah. Adam tells her that he and Mimi-Rose broke up, saying he never really cared for her, he was just confused the entire duration of their relationship. He tells Hannah he misses her and apologizes for everything. However, in the most genuine Hannah has been all season, she gets emotional telling Adam that she can’t get back together with him.
Later, Hannah calls her mom, who tells her that she has no future and is still clearly upset about the situation with Tad coming out.
The season finale taps out with an epilogue six months later, where we see a seemingly happy Hannah and Fran holding hands, as they walk through snowy New York together.