Though it has taken many false starts and much concentration to sit down at the computer again and begin writing, I am back at it in earnest.
I need to extend a huge thank you to Clayton Davis and all the writers here for their understanding and support over the last ten months, and in particular the last two. The days and hours leading up to my girls’ passing were among the most emotionally overwhelming of my life, and admittedly I still have waves of emotion hit me over the course of the day and felt the tears forming in my eyes. Three sometimes four times a day I break down and cry, because I miss my girl, because of the staggering loss my family has suffered, because my girls will not have the benefit of their mother in their lives anymore, and because my best friend, my soul mate has slipped away from me. Sometimes I feel so alone, and then an e-mail will come from someone who reads the site, and lift the day, perhaps they have lost someone close to them, perhaps they are just finding out, perhaps they are reaching out to another who has suffered a loss so huge they can barely take a breath sometimes. Clay is married, Anna is married, I think Mark is married, most of the writers on the site are attached, so they understood the loss of my wife. When the time came for Sherri to pass, she did gently and peacefully, in my arms with my oldest daughter holding her hand. though oddly beautiful, in that you could feel her sou; in the room, it was the most difficult moment of my life. Yet for all the sadness, for all the grief, I understand that I would have rather have had Sherri for the twenty five years I did, and suffered the enormous pain of losing her, than to never have had her at all. That line of thinking was in a documentary about Viet Nam, letters that were written home. It has been in my thoughts a great deal these days.
Movies got me through much of this. I would wake after two hours sleep, and know sleep was not going to come, so watch a film. God I even gave The English Patient (1996) another chance and still hate it!!
However what truly got me through, and continues to do so is the caring and support of family and friends, including my extended family here at Awards Circuit.
To Clay and everyone here at the site, thank you for being there and understanding when I fell, understanding my pain, and knowing I would be back at some point. Thank you for letting me know it really is a great deal more about movies with all of us.
So here we go, I am back, and it feels good. Just wish the movies were better right now.